Because I'm the mom, that's why!

Two weeks ago, Aaron went to Columbia for the weekend, taking Gavin with him. I was left at home with a 4-month old and an 8-year old- both of whom are GREAT road-trippers.  After Hub's Saturday basketball game, we jumped in the car and headed for Raleigh.  I wanted to check out the homeschool store there, as well as kill a few hours at Crabtree.  Being on a budget, we rarely eat out and frankly, I miss it.  I know it's usually unhealthy, as well as a colossal waste of money, but there's something about a little man bringing you food that you don't have to cook or clean up.  It's even better when you don't have a two year old climbing all over you. 
Hub, as he is my child, has developed some pretty expensive tastes.  While he still will get excited over McDonald's and Chuckie Cheese, when I asked him what he wanted for lunch that day, his reply was "sushi."  Atta boy!  We enjoyed a delicious lunch, semi-adult conversation, and then spent a few hours window-shopping.   
We arrived at the Homeschool Gathering place about 30 minutes before closing.  While I was browsing, I heard other women paying and being offered candy from the "Mom Jar".  Then, they would offer their children candy from the "Kid Jar".  There seemed to be a method and reasoning behind this. $125 later, it was my turn.  After signing my receipt, a huge jar of small chocolate bars appeared in front of me. I mean the good stuff- Mr Goodbar, Skor, Hershey's Dark Select, & Krackle.  I was told to help myself. 
God bless him, Hub was hovering expectantly around the register, waiting for his invitation to partake.  After grabbing a few pieces (for the road... duh!), the sweet lady pulled out the Kid Jar.  When we were little and trick-or-treating, this was called the Crap Candy- it was fake Skittles.  Before she could even offer it, Hub politely said, "thank you, but I think I'll just have some chocolate."  Now anyone that has ever shopped here knows what happened next.  Hub was informed that he wasn't being offered chocolate- the chocolate was only for the moms.  "But that's not..." he trailed off as he looked at me.
"No, honey, it's not fair," the clerk told him, "but when you are a homeschooling dad and your wife sacrifices her very sanity to educate your children, then come back and I'll give you all the chocolate you can eat."  Ok, so maybe she didn't say that part about his wife's sanity- but the message was clear.  She went on to explain about how children these days view themselves as miniature adults, entitled to all the same privileges as grown-ups, with NONE of the responsibilities.  We laughed, Hub got a handful of Skittle-ish sugar, and left.  But the damage was done- as my sushi started doing flips in my stoimach, I was convicted.
I thought all the way home about this.  Now anyone that watches "Toddlers & Tiaras" may say, "oh, I'm not that bad- I'd never spend the money for my 3 year old to have a manicure!" and feel pretty good about themselves, but we normal moms unnecessarily empower our kids everyday and don't even realize it.  When was the last time you went through the Starbucks drive through and caved to your kids' requests for a $4 milkshake?  It happened to me more recently than I care to admit.   Why, as parents, are we scared to tell our children "no"? 
My husband & I don't spoil our kids, compared to most of their peers.  My 8 year old doesn't have a cell phone, nor does he own anything motorized to drive around the neighborhood, but material possessions aren't just what I'm talking about here.  I'm talking about the perception that they are running the show.  Let me give you an example... most nights, when I was single mom, I'd pick my 3-year old up from day care and ask him where he wanted to eat dinner.  On a good day, I honestly didn't have a preference and on a bad day, wanted to avoid a fight.  I certainly didn't set out for his desires to trump my own, but that ended up happening.  His perception was that his opinion was superior to mine.  Single moms are at a serious risk for this, followed by moms of only children. I can say this because I have lived both of these lives and been this mom. 
In 2006 I met a man that nipped this in the bud (thanks, baby!).  While courting me and reminding me that I was the most wonderful thing ever, he was also instilling in my son that he was second tier.  Momma didn't like this at all, but here we are, 5 years and two kids later, and I am so grateful that Aaron showed up and helped me put "everyone in their place", so to speak.  Yes, we still have our subtle power struggles- what blended family doesn't- but they are few and far between. 
My challenge to you?  Look at the way you interact with your children.  Make sure that while you are allowing them special experiences occasionally you are not allowing them to run roughshod over your marriage or other siblings.   Human nature is to be self-centered but as the mom of a kid that was well on his way to becoming a prima donna (as well as the ex-wife of a full-fledged attention hog), I encourage you to remember that God made YOU the parents and that your kids will be better off in the long run if there are things that are yours, solely and completely. 
Sometimes kids just need to hear "no- because I'm the mom and I work hard and deserve the... (Moccachino, ribeye, last cookie- fill in the blank)".  Enjoy your treat!  If your life is anything like mine- you deserve it!